Is it wrong to be in love with someone?

Being in love actually makes you stupid

Being in love actually makes you stupid

Those who are head over heels in love often act rashly, irrationally, even stupidly. Why is the mind turned off? And how do you protect yourself from embarrassment?

It's a nice feeling, maybe the best of all. You forget everything that worries and depresses you and is - just happy. Anyone who is in love becomes a different person, someone who doesn't need sleep, for whom everything comes easily. Everything revolves around one thing: the adored person who is the most beautiful, most attractive and loving being that currently inhabits this planet.

The thing with the brain

Almost everyone knows this emotional state of emergency, there is hardly anyone who has not been in love over and over again at least once in their life. Therefore everyone knows that the state of total infatuation is often accompanied by a rather unpleasant side effect: the brain is switched off. At least partially. Depending on the situation, this can have problematic consequences. "When you're in love, the feel-good hormone dopamine is released in the brain," says psychotherapist Thomas Spielmann. "This has the effect that the regions in the brain that are responsible for a cool mind and critical judgment are simply switched off."

But that's not all: Neurotrophin also gets into the blood. "This can lead to people in love falling into a state of insanity, which can lead to irrational actions." Inhibitions that otherwise protect against embarrassment disappear, and you do things that you would otherwise never do. Cuddle too closely in public.

As with psychiatric patients

The “chemical cocktail” in the brain does not end there. The neurotransmitter serotonin is reduced in people who are newly in love, which means that one becomes obsessively fixated on a person. "It is interesting that the serotonin level in lovers is the same as in severely obsessive-compulsive psychiatric patients," says Spielmann.

The reason for these remarkable processes is clear to Spielmann: "This corresponds to a biological program with the purpose that two lovers stay together before they realize who the other really is and not just run away." The fascination for one another is kind of chemically fueled and kept high so that what nature has foreseen in its plan happens: reproduction.

In this respect, being in love actually makes you “blind”. However, the sex therapist emphasizes, it is not about sexual drive control. “What the vernacular says is completely wrong in such a situation. The sentence does not apply, lovers are neither penis-controlled nor nymphomaniac. " It's about two people getting involved at all. The sex drive only plays a subordinate role.

Soon it will be over

In most cases, being in love lasts between a few weeks and a few months. So the magic will come to an end relatively soon - even if many people wanted nothing more than a life in constant love. But that, according to Spielmann, is not a good idea. "The feel-good hormone kick can't last forever, otherwise you wouldn't be viable in the long run."

Anyone who wakes up from this phase of crushing without having to look back on grosser embarrassments has been lucky. "Others are unlucky and have to regret one thing or the other in retrospect," says Spielmann. For example, someone who gave up his house and job in a love frenzy and later finds himself in front of a veritable heap of broken glass. Or you have offended your entire family and your closest friends with the Amour fou, which you displayed in public.

It's not a question of age

People who are not in love sometimes rub their eyes when they see how well-rounded people in their mid-forties behave like 14-year-old teenagers. Why do more mature semesters tend to be pubescent when they hit Cupid's arrow? Falling in love has nothing to do with age, says Spielmann. "Every nurse in an old people's home can sing a song about how older residents jump in the air because they have a crush on a roommate."

It is also interesting that people who have had a decisive experience - the death of their partner or a serious illness, for example - suddenly fall in love with a bang. "After a serious operation, it is not uncommon for a patient to fall in love with the nurse," says Spielmann. The reason: Being in love sustains a person and helps them to get over difficult experiences. "It is a kind of intelligence of the soul," says Spielmann. She gets what she needs to get well again.

People who have a more differentiated and intellectual way of thinking in everyday life are also «at risk» of falling in love suddenly. “It could be a professor or a woman who until 40 only lived for her career. When someone like that has a crush, self-control can be completely lost. Then she may fall in love with a twenty-year-old holiday animator, and he suddenly sends intimate photos around, as happened to the Mayor of Baden, Geri Müller.

Is there any protection against the consequences of falling in love? No, says the therapist. "The best remedy for stupid things is to have a best friend who can be told anything." This person can wash the lover's head at the right moment.

Build a relationship capital

Apart from that, being in love also has its good points. "In this phase you have the courage and time to experience things together that are so formative that you can draw on them later," says Spielmann, who has been with his wife for 45 years. “You have built up a relationship capital, so to speak, that helps you to get over conflicts in less rosy times. Being in love means that you don't just run away when there are problems. "